a new home, a new man, a new life, a new love...

we're driving home now. we're listening to foals with the windows down because the a/c is broken. i feel hay pelting my right foot from the semi-truck in front of us. wishing we could pass it, we're hoping for a break in traffic or a lane to open up.

this is day 2 of our trip home.

i miss redding, ca already. 

we're out in the middle of nowhere farmland where our only company consists of over two hundred windmills. and all i can think is, "what am i going to do now???"

i remember how strange i felt the night before we left. it's a feeling that i've been well acquainted with lately. i've almost learned her name... but i'm not sure i enjoy the company too much. she causes your heart to ache more than planned. 

(it's enough to make you sick to your stomach.)

she always comes the night before you leave and she haunts you like a bad memory. she reminds you of all of the people and memories you're leaving behind. and she keeps bringing up the fact that you probably won't see most of them again. (or at least for a while.) why is leaving so hard? maybe i just care too much...

i pulled the visor down to use the mirror earlier and i caught a glimpse of someone.

someone new...

something new...

i think i finally found the man i've been looking for this whole time. the person i saw was someone happy. not just happy with who he is, but with where he's going and what he's doing with his life. (whatever that is.)

i saw someone more mature. older than he used to be, he stared right back at me wondering where he came from. the face that accompanies his newly aged eyes doesn't do them justice. 

he's not afraid anymore. and for the first time he's finally secure in himself.

day after day i'm forgetting who i used to be and am gradually becoming the man i've always dreamed of being. but i'm still becoming this man only because i've finally gotten a revelation of God's undying, passionate, romance for me. 

i've seen it.

i've tasted it.

i've drowned in it.

i drown in it everyday...

it's the sweetest, most joyous love that anyone will ever feel or know... o breathtaking is His Love, you get high just from the scent of His presence. so high that you se everything differently.

it sparks a new kind of creativity and an inspiration to create things that could only exist in dreams before now. but can finally be brought into the natural realm because this indescribable Love causes your heart to sing its own song. and for the very first time in all of eternity a sound is released that has never been heard before. causing the universe to take a new shape in response to this new heart engaging in worship to its true Love...

and now freedom is at hand.