a glance back to previous thoughts and writings (third installment)

this one actually took me three days to write it out so that's how i posted it... so here it is!

"rambling winter thoughts..."

pt. 1- (Tuesday, November 27, 2007)

if there was ever a time for me to wish i was home, it'd be now. i wake up in the morning and it's cold with no snow on the ground (only frost... occasionally). there's no mountains, no pine trees, only people. people and God. that is all that is keeping me here. just those two things. if it weren't for my friends, i don't know here i'd be. they mean so much to me. they play a very important roll in my life. but i guess i really have in mind my close friends. the ones that are really there for me. the ones that i can trust. the ones i make memories with... there are only a few of them. but they each hold a very dear piece of my heart. i know i'm a very sentimental person. but these things matter to me. i care about them so much...

pt. 2- (Wednesday, November 28, 2007)

...but i know that in a few short months it'll all be over. and my heart will be torn apart and scattered across the country. i don't know how long all my friendships will last. but to be completely honest, (regretfully...) probably no more than five of them will last a lifetime. with that said, how many of them will i see again? but none of that matters right now. all that matters is that they're here with me. and i have the privilege/honor of being with them now. on the other side of things, (the real reason i'm still here...) God... there's not a single day that has gone by that i question id i'm in the will of God. (there's so much i have to say about this it's overwhelming. but i'll take my time...) everything's seemed to be so hard lately. i feel like i've gotten nowhere. there MUST be more than what i have right now. there MUST be more than this... right? there is so much for me back home...

pt. 3- (Thursday, November 29, 2007)

...but is it worth leaving to go back? i can't follow through with it though. no matter how badly i want to go home. every time i think about it, moving back home just doesn't make sense to me anymore. only because i know in my heart that if i leave this place i won't be walking in the blessing. (sure is a funny looking blessing...) i guess i just can't see it quite yet. but are things really going to be that much better (or even as good as i imagine many times) if i leave/go back home before my appointed time? again i ask, would it really be worth going back home? but let me propose this thought: shouldn't there be a contentment when you're still in His will? i feel content everywhere i am except for one place... and that is the one place where i didn't seek out what the Lord wanted for me. only i am to blame for my own misery... and now i've forced myself into a test of my own faithfulness. (not fath... faithfulness.) it's all a result of my own lack of wisdom and ignorance. but nevertheless, i am thankful for where i am and who i have around me. i miss my family, my friends, my comforts, my home... but it will be here soon enough.









all in good time, austin...






all in good time.

a glance back to previous thoughts and writings (second installment)

"The smell of snake peel and the sounds of Guitar Hero"

(Wednesday, June 19, 2007)

So, here I am listening to Copeland at 12:30 a.m.

This simple act reminds me of those few people that I actually connected with at school.



My brother and sisters and I have also been playing ALOT of Guitar Hero.
A few days ago one of the songs were played in one of those little preview clips.
INSTANTLY it took me back to the ice storm in January because it was the one song that Jenny played consistently and very repetitively.

That honestly was probably one of the most fun/(dare I say) best weeks of my life.






Even in the simple things like the scent of my shower gel.



All of these things take me back to that one week.



















In that one week...


School was cancelled EVERY DAY

We tore lids off of city owned park dumpsters and used them for sleds
We made chocolate chip pancakes and toaster strudels

We watched "Pinky and the Brain" until 4 a.m. with our 32 oz. Dr. Peppers from Quick Trip




We took AMAZING pictures


We played on icy playgrounds
We got rear ended by a girl from ORU and none of us were hurt (not even the cars)









We played Guitar Hero for countless hours
We went grocery shopping at 1 a.m.
We watched ALOT of movies.





I made some of the best friends I will most likely ever have in my life























In that one week God gave me a family at the least likely moment.


I miss you guys so much!






Everyday something either pops into my head or I heaar a song or I see/smell something that takes me back to just that one week. 
And I will never forget when four kids scattered across the country met in Tulsa, OK and in one week's time became so much more than any of them would ever expect.



I remember that last night that we all hung out at my apartment before school was over.
We played Guitar Hero again.


Jenny found her song and started playing it. (I hadn't even heard that song since the ice storm...)


No one noticed, but I just stood there looking at the TV trying my hardest to fight back the tears because it took me back to that week again and I knew that that was the last night we all would be together for a while.





I love you guys! And I can't wait to see you again.


















Here's to Some Kids Downtown...










I love you guys!!!

a glance back to previous thoughts and writings

i was just looking back at a few of my blogs from a while back on myspace and realized that i haven't even thought about these things in quite a while... so i thought i'd repost a few of my favorites. let me know what you think...

happy reading!

"Who are you anymore?"

(Friday, July 20, 2007)

I wish that I could say that I am the first one to imagine this metaphor, but William Shakespeare
beat me to it.
But that's only because he was born four hundred twenty-three and a half years before I was.





I realized the other day that life is nothing but a mere play.
And we are all nothing but mere actors.
Most of us choose to play the part of the fool.



None of us seem want to be our own true selves. (Even though we think we do.)
Everyone has the desire to impress someone.
Everyone has the desire to find something...anything to improve themselves.


We rely on someone else's identity to define who we are.
We are influenced by the people around us and by the things we see and hear.



Is there no originality left in this world?

Have we forgotten who we truly are?

We have replaced who we are piece by piece with small bits of other people around us
until we come to the point that we have forgotten who we are anymore.






So many of us are doing nothing but acting.
Taking the role of someone that we were never intended to be.
Why?

Why do we do what we do?
It is a mystery that no man can answer.




I am one who has taken the role as the fool...

It wasn't until over one year ago that I began to find out who I really am once again.
I no longer found my identity in who was around me.

I realized that my identity is found in Who is IN me.

Every day since then I have been on an ongoing search for who I am.
A search for what makes me me.
I feel today that I am more secure in myself than I have ever been in my entire life.

Just within the last couple of weeks, I will look into the mirror and I literally DO NOT see the
same person that I knew two years ago.
I am virtually unrecognizable to myself anymore. I have COMPLETELY changed!

Day by day, I step off of that stage and quit acting.
I take back my own identity and become that person that God has created me to be.


I am a work in progress. And I'm still learning who I am.
But I know now that I will never be the same.


"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players." 
-Jaques -

"As You Like It" by William Shakespeare